i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
