She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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