Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
