My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
