Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
