The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just pynch a tree in the face
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
