he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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