Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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