i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
