I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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