my phone needs a breathalizer
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
