You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
