I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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