...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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