so let's talk penis.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize