Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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