Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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