You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.