I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
