How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked