it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.