are you wasted or are you getting laid?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock