I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
