And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drake has all the answers
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
