I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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