so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
