i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we're making bets on your personal life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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