but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
