He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize