All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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