So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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