His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
