It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
