I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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