you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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