3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
