I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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