Kiss
Puke
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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