My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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