Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
