Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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