She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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