I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
