He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
