Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
