I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
