ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
