We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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