I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
