Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
