She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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