Best friends brother. Beat that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
