Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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