Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
