UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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