Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
