just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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