I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
