The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My vagina is officially offended.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
