D3 body, D1 cock
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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