***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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