I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
