My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
