Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
