When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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