Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
