I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
