So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
