I hate all girls vehemently.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
