he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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