sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
