I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
