someone owes me an orgasm
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
