11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
