god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
